7 Ways to use Active Listening every day
Active listening is an incredibly important skill to master, as it makes the people we are speaking to feel like we are really understanding, and care about, what they are saying. Using active listening not only helps us gain more from conversations, but allows us to consider more deeply how to respond. Active listening can also be understood as ‘listening to understand’. We believe that active listening is a vital skill, and our school workshops aim to help students develop it. Here are 7 ways that you can use active listening skills in your everyday life.
1. Avoid interrupting - when you are talking to someone, dedicate all of your attention to what the other person is saying. Try to put any thoughts and comments that arise in your mind aside until the other person has finished speaking.
2. Try to listen non-judgmentally - This refers to your inner monologue. We often have internal thoughts or reactions to what other people are saying, which means that when we are listening to them, we are actually focussing on what you think of what they are saying, rather than what it is they are saying. Where possible, try and listen to the individual, putting aside any thoughts that may pop into your head. It is ok if you have a different opinion to them, but active listeners focus on what the other person is saying, in order to gain a better understanding of them.
3. Summarise what the other person has said - once someone is done speaking, paraphrase briefly what they are saying back to them in your own words. This ensures that you have understood what they mean, and gives the other person an opportunity to correct anything you may have misunderstood. By deploying this strategy, you are also demonstrating that you have been listening to the other person.
4. Focus on demonstrating positive non-verbal behaviours - Non-verbal behaviours are a key part of active listening. Non-verbal communication means anything that you communicate to another person without using words. To model positive non-verbal communication, and show that you are listening to the other person, avoid crossing your arms or looking away from the other person. Smile and nod along if it is appropriate. These behaviours not only encourage the other person to feel more comfortable during the conversation, but also shows that you are listening to and understanding what they are saying.
5. Specific, open-ended questioning - Once someone has finished talking, demonstrate that you are engaged in what they are saying by asking them a question. Remember, you’re focussing on what they are saying, so try to avoid any judgements when asking questions. Examples of what you could ask include: “tell me more about that”, “how did you feel” or “could you explain this, I didn’t quite catch that”.
6. Listening to understand instead of to react - When you are listening, try not to think about what you are going to say next, you can’t effectively do both. Instead, take some time when the other person has finished speaking to consider your response.
7. Don’t impose your opinions or solutions - Sometimes just providing a listening ear can be exactly what the other person needs, instead of guidance on what they should do. Before voicing your opinion on what you think would be the best solution to an issue, try asking “would you like to hear my suggestions?”
Note: This skill is one of the many skills we’re focusing on for our Bridge Builders Programme in August 2023. This student leadership residential, for 20 16-19 year olds, will take place at the Woolf Institute in Cambridge, and students will learn a range of skills, including active listening, to prepare them for being future bridge builders in their communities. To learn more and apply, head over here on our website.